


Admiration

by hendercasius



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Birthday, Friendship/Love, JaeYong - Freeform, Letters, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 18:54:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17772350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hendercasius/pseuds/hendercasius
Summary: It's Jaehyun's 22nd birthday.Taeyong writes a personal heartfelt letter for him.





	Admiration

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!  
> In commemorating Jaehyun's birthday, I wrote this short one-shot Jaehyun-Taeyong's fic.  
> Hope you enjoy this! I would be grateful if you send me a comment to tell me what you think about this and to celebrate Jaehyun's birthday with me too! Lol.  
> Have fun reading it.

_Carus_ Jung Jaehyun.

_This letter is started confusing, ain’t it? Carus, instead of dear. You may wonder what the hell Carus is. You may open your dictionary, Google translate, or whatever means you use to interpret the word. And there, you will find. Carus. It is a Latin word. Carus, instead of dear. Because ‘dear’ has been way too common that it has lost its magic to me. ‘Dear’ could sometimes be way too formal. ‘Dear’ is everyone’s favourite. And you deserve better than ‘dear’. You are entitled to something that’s more special than a ‘dear’. And even though you are everyone’s favourite like a ‘dear’, but ‘dear’ would never do any justice to show how much I favour you._

_So carus, instead of dear it is. Beloved. High. Valuable. Expensive._  
_Even though there are more words in my Thesaurus to describe what you are to me._

_Here we go again. I wrote this letter again. Yeah. It’s been the third since I knew you. I could’ve actually written a letter every single day to greet you as you open your eyes in the morning, but I chose to write it occassionally only on your birth date. Because then, you will keep longing to my letter. You will feel the craving taste to these words in your head, and perhaps you will start to think that something is probably wrong with me, or with us, when I stop sending this on your birth date._

_Jung Jaehyun._

_It was untrue when you asked whether I do really like you. Because “I like you” would be too much of an understatement to describe the feeling that I crafted for you. I have gone way beyond “I like you”. Even though I am not sure if I should have said that “I love you”. To me, the word “love” itself is too vague. I love my Father. I love my mother. I love my sister. I love music too. But you are nothing like them. To put you in the similar verb with them may cause a different context that everyone has known, but I would like to be clearer than “I love you”. I would want the words that would exactly scream my adoration, admiration, and affection to you:_

_“My heart aches for you.”_  
_“Cor cordium”, if I might borrow Oliver’s words to Elio in Andre Aciman’s book._

_Little do you know, I put “Cor cordium” as your name in my contact list. So the next time you lost your phone and wanted to call it with mine, you know what to type. Don’t complain that I didn’t save your phone number ever again. I mean, that would be a total nonsense._

_Ah, sorry. This letter should be more about you than me. I didn’t mean to steal your spotlight. I knew myself. I often get nitpicking over tiny details whenever I wrote a letter for you because I am afraid these words would not be sufficient to elaborate my feelings to you._

_Happy birthday, Jung Jaehyun._

_It has been a truly beautiful journey by having you in this life. Whenever you have doubts on yourself, always remember that I have always been so inspired by how you manifest your words and dreams into actions. Never have I ever met somebody as fearless as you are. Whenever you have worries about the hate and critics that people shattered in your way, please do know that you are not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. I wish you will always place yourself, your happiness, your health first before anything else. Whenever you have anxiety for becoming older but seem not wiser, please put in mind that age is truly just a number; and maturity and prudence are not gifted as you earned a higher number on your birthday cake. You will be there. You will achieve what you want with the goals you set in your number. Soon. There might be things you don’t achieve now, and I know it causes you a lot of stress and costs you your own happiness, but please remember that our time in the present is limited. That each moment you savour today is worth appreciated, and don’t take those moments for granted and let them passed in exchange to chase the uncertain future. Live it now, Jung Jaehyun. Live the life, now._

_Jung Jaehyun,_

_As you close your eyes today, you might think that the magical feeling of your day will pass. You might think the love of the people that you receive today will diminish too. But fear not. The love they have to you has never ceased. They loved you then, they love you now, and they will always love you every single day. They are just stuck in their day to day activities and fail to show you. They all love you through their words, their anger, their joy, their tears, their pain. Maybe that’s why birthday is good. Because sometimes people just need a reminder to show the love they have had for you, and sometimes you need a reminder too of how much you mean to them._

_This might be another selfish passage where I talk about me again, but I wanted to let you know._  
_To me,_  
_This world, Jung Jaehyun, will be alright as long as you are in it._  
_So please, be happy, be healthy, be as alive as you are._

_Happy birthday._

_Your biggest fan,_  
_Lee Taeyong_

 

* * *

 

 

Taeyong folds the letter as he finished writing it.

It was 00.00 KST.

He headed to the practice room and once he arrived, his members started throwing a birthday surprise for Jaehyun as they have planned priorly through the secret group chat that excluded the birthday man. Taeil, Johnny, Yuta, Ten, Doyoung, Kun, Winwin, Jungwoo, Lucas, Mark, Xiaojun, Hendery, Haechan, Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Yangyang, Chenle, Jisung, and.. _Jaehyun_. He counted his members in his head and when he knew it was a complete set, a smile crept up in his face.

“Thank you, _hyung_. Thank you for always taking care of me and the other members as well. We knew we had been such nuisance to you in the past. We will always owe you one.” Jaehyun throws himself at Taeyong and hugs him. It has been a tradition for being the first person to be hugged on his members' birthday since he is the  _unofficial_ leader of the group.

Taeyong returns the favor and pats the latter on the back. He shuts his eyes for a moment and let himself drawn in a small joy that Jaehyun shares. How he loves every single time their bodies touch and the way his scent would linger on his shirt for awhile as an aftertaste of their hug.

“Sure. Happy birthday.” he said.

Jaehyun smiles at him once again when they let go of each other. Once he went from Taeyong, Jaehyun starts opening a _hugging booth_  for the other members as well.

 _“Happy birthday Jaehyun!!!”_  
_“Jaehyun, we love you.”_  
_“Have a great one!”_  
_“Neo got my back!!!”_

And then laughters. Scream of joy. Selfies. A lot of selfies. Group photos. Collective gift for Jaehyun.

The merry atmosphere of the birthday celebration only shows how much Jaehyun is dearly loved. Lucas lifted the whole of Jaehyun's weight at the back of his neck, they sang a happy birthday song in unison, Haechan poured him kisses here and there, Taeil kept backhugging him, Doyoung and Johnny started the poke-your-cheek-with-cake bandwagon, and everyone else hypes him with the trumpets they blowed in chaotic manner. At this point, Jaehyun is even qualified to be labeled as _everyone’s_ _favourite_ if that tag does exist in their group. Seeing everyone liking him, Taeyong found a strange, small oasis of peace. _What could be possibly wrong with liking someone everyone else liked?*)_ he thought.

Taeyong smiles as he holds the letter that he wrote in the pocket of his chest, very close to his heart.

_Cor cordium._

And he knows that this time, it would be another unread letter that he would never send to Jaehyun.

**Author's Note:**

> *) Reference to Call Me By Your Name - André Aciman
> 
> I think that was the kind of letter that I would kind of wrote if I knew Jaehyun personally lol.  
> Well. Happy birthday, Jung Jaehyun! :)
> 
> Twitter: @jaeysaa


End file.
